if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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