He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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