Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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