so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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