I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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