for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
