@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
