i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
