take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
