Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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