He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
