i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
