batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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