He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
