I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
