coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
