Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
