i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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