He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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