as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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