So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
