Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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