I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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