from now on my penis is your penis
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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