69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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