Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
