I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Randomize
