I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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