im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
