It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
