don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
