yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
