I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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