I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
