so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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