Cold hands, warm shart.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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