I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My vagina is officially offended.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
