Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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