The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
