After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he shaved USA in his pubs
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
