When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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