i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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