Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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