i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
