So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
