I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
