As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
