it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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