why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
