my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
