I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
