I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
