it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
