Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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