Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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