the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
