whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
