You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
