I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
