Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
