Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
