you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
