too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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