My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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