I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
