Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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