Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Every concussion has its silver lining
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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