So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
