the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
