By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
