Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
