i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
