Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
