I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize