We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize