you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
